Monday, November 21, 2016 at 3:19 PM with
Kinda "wasted"  2 hours in the library already lol. Had my first paper today and I guess it went fine? However, I really feel that the bell curve for this paper is going to be quite steep because it's not hat difficult ...

Oh wells, anyways it's over. Had lunch and I'm currently at NIE. Had a good 2 hours (or more) break.

To be honest, I have never really felt so stress (in a very bad way) regarding studies or exams. Back  in JCs, secondary even if I am stress about it its probably for a different reason. Despite being stress, the mindset I had was much better, stronger and more positive.

I really felt like crap yesterday and I never understood how some people can get so stress out over exams. But yeah, after yesterday, I kinda understood how it felt. First time ever in my life, I actually cried while doing past year paper lol .. like it was unexpected (although I had to admit something happened yesterday).

I just felt like ...
coming to university, feeling all these kind of stress and etc is like karma. Being able to go to school is blessing but what I meant was:

in the past I used to be really confident about my own abilities and etc, I was able to express myself well but right now I feel like I can't even speak properly in proper sentences. It's like whatever I was able to do before - I can't do it now. It's like karma for thinking that oh this would never happen to me but it did anyways.

I don't like myself as much as I used to, I find myself being really stupid in everything. It just felt like I can't even make simple decision and that I am just mean to everyone. Did felt a little like this last year but I was like "oh I used to get a little emotional from time to time about myself but I get over it really quickly".

But this year, it's like .. I felt like this almost everyday. maybe all these while I am just forcing myself to get over it, escaping from it and then it accumulates. Or maybe I decided to deal with it but I just have no idea how to do so and I didn't expect it to be that bad?

I am not even sure if I am making sense anymore.


well have to deal with this later (again haha) since it's exams period.
Ciaos and all the best to everyone having exams.


Xi Tong, 20歳.
Singapore // Gemini

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