Wednesday, May 11, 2016 at 12:39 AM with

Just one of those days (or night lol considering the time now) where I am so sick and tired of everything. I know I am physically tired, for having to work 5 consecutive night shifts. But then again, people who have an office jobs works 5 days per week from morning till evening. Even though my hours doesn't beats their but still its tiring for me. Fuck it. Lol, being physically probably makes up one of the reason as to why am I feeling like this now.

I am sick and tired of being the only decisive one. Sometimes people ask me why must i go against majority. The thing is, why should I follow the majority? I am going on a trip soon (hopefully) with some of my Hall mates to Korea. it's one of my friend's dream trip + grad tip. To be very honest, cash flow is legit tight for me. But I want to go overseas badly, to take break (whether I deserve it or not) and escape my current surroundings a little. It's my dream to travel as much as I can. I should

Three of them are damn indecisive, and the other one also will just follow the majority. It then left me and her. I don't have anything against them but I guess that my personality doesn't really matches theirs nicely. Maybe it's because of my upbringing, my dad hates to waste time and likes to do/settle things fast, which is not wrong.

Yes, its her trip. I mean yeah i guess i should not interfere much with the planning and maybe i should just stfu and follow with whatever she plans. I don't anything much against it to be honest. More like i just dislike the indecisiveness. The boyf and my mum said that well when you go overseas with friends, each of them has their own pattern. Sometimes even if you don't like it you have to suck it up. You must also think for them and not for yourself.

I do agree. But that sentence always comes out whenever I decided to be selfish for a little, like maybe I kinda wish that things go to my way for a little or not. Maybe, i guess i am fated to have to always spare a thought for others but never be selfish for myself. Yeah you might think that i am being unreasonable and spoilt here right now. Whatever zzz.

 i wanted to book the tickets asap. But they say no hurry and it might drop. But to be honest, I thin the earlier you book, the lesser you need to worry because you will never know when the prices are going to drop or rise. Although it did rise by a bit, but to me, savings are savings. If i cant save a dollar or two, i will. Even if it's a little bit more trouble. Its no big deal to them because they have no budget.

I guess I am going more for the getaway than the company. Nah I think I will enjoy it in the end. Maybe I am the one at fault, yeah i should be more: understanding, flexible, easily to compromise etc. Because apparently, i am the odd one out. From the start i already knew that the 5 of them somehow knows one other beforehand and that it's easier for them to be close. Plus my schedule usually doesn't match theirs so its hard for me to go out with them. Maybe they were just being nice for asking if wanted to join them.

And at times like this, I really wish that he is here for me. But nah, he is tired and he has work today and I kinda blame myself for using this same excuse over and over again. I really wish that I can be more selfish towards him.

I don't want to think anymore. I don't even want to care anymore. I don't even want to reply on that group chat anymore. Like yeah, i am just going to wait around until someone else does something because like what my dad says: its easier for one person to compromise to another than the whole group to change to suit that one person


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Xi Tong, 20歳.
Singapore // Gemini

"Embrace the glorious mess you are." - Elizabeth Gilbert
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