Friday, March 11, 2016 at 12:15 AM with ≡
I am aware that i do rant about a lot of repeated stuff. Honestly speaking I do reflect and think that maybe i do have a really bad mouth. i don't deny that but then again, some times I just feel so disappointed in people and wonder if people do take me seriously at all.
I guess my personality on the inside doesn't tally with my character on the outside. I do give people the vibe that I am always happy/energetic/fun etc which I don't deny. I don't really like to show a depressing side of myself to others. Sometimes I do show it, but when I show them this side of me means I legit trust them and I feel closer to them. But sometimes I wonder it's kind of fake ....? Nah.
Everyone should more or less have one or two true friends but these friends that I have now, i doubt most of them. It's true that they don't have to invite me for everything but then again it doesn't feels good to be left out and to see the entire bunch hanging out on their own. Like how does it feel? And it's not the first time. I guess i get "attached" to be too fast, judge too fast thinking that we are close, but actually maybe we are not that close ... really.
It's like this friendship cycle thing has been repeating and repeating for the past few years in my life and I am so sick of it. Like, am I the problem? It's like, yes they are my friends but they don't feel like mine at the same time. At times like this I really want to distant myself from everyone, switch of my mobile etc but it's not that easy cause at the very least I have to stay contactable to my parents at all time lol.
But I legit need that kind of peace.
And I am just sick and tired of repeating the same thing over and over again. Can you hear me?