Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 10:26 PM with

(WARNING: long wordy post ahead)

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True for me .. i guess? 

Well i bet, if i were to be absolutely truthful at all times and say whatever is on my mind, i bet many would be shock by the way i think and the way i felt about them. I dare say, what the impressions my friends have about me, is .. kinda different or maybe very different from the actual me. Hmm .. but still most of the times i do be myself around them and of course, be considerate to them. (haha self praise :p)

So over years, i have kept many many many many things to myself and some times i just tell someone else about it and thus ..  yeah i talked behind my friends' back. Lol, i mean its like, in my case, there are certain things that my friends do and act that i didn't really like. But i just canb't keep them to myself always so i will another friend. I guess, that's how rumors starts and friends end up quarreling w/ one another, saying that he/she go backstabbed etc. Well, since i talked about others behind their back, if others were to do the same thing to me, i won't say a thing. Since i did the same thing as them, i can't say they do not have the rights to say things behind my back. 

Sometimes i just wanna get a long with everyone so i just approach to others (most of the time) and talk to them then later after some time, friends of mine will get to know each other. Sometimes i just feel .. left out? Because after they know each other, sometimes they would just get along well withone another and some times just .. leave me out. Okay, maybe i am thinking too much but, not really. Because .. hmm i kinda witness it. For example me and 'A' are friends then after 'A' get close with '1' , '2' and '3' (my other friends) all of the sudden they will be very close with one another. Then they will form a circle by themselves consist of them. That's when i feel like, " Ah, they are my friends but it seems like they are so much closer by themselves without me." And then they start hanging out w/o any inviting/asking me. Then as time pass, it seems like i am being forgotten.


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Well, you can say that its jealousy. I don't deny that, and some times i act rather possessive and protective over my friends lol haha not till those very extreme level and i will never be that extreme haha. Well i guess this is just another growing up process of life about friendship issues. I can't say that its entirely my friends' fault for me feeling this way, it could be my problem too. Like sometimes i just avoid people and act cold towards them? sometimes its because i am too bossy i guess? Haha i get that comment quite often .. hmm .. but oh well. 

Though, i do admit sometimes i am just over sensitive. Maybe i am thinking too much, maybe its just me who just feels this way and misunderstood them. Maybe its just because i'm always saying 'its nothing' and not wanting to tell them anything much? Hmm ..  Just typing this post because i kinda feel guilty .. somehow and also its just something i want to blog about lol. So, that's all, shall blog again soon :)

Last but not least, i really love my friends.
After saying all these (above) ... lol 




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Xi Tong, 20歳.
Singapore // Gemini

"Embrace the glorious mess you are." - Elizabeth Gilbert
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