All of sudden, just all the negative feelings just came to me. Just suddenly feel damn moody, angry and etc. Just want to run away from everything. Yeah is just so irony, i always tell myself to face the truth, face the challenges before me no matterr what. Its okay to be unglam, is okay to be laughed at blah blah blah and so on. But maybe perhaps i did what i told myself, forcing myself to do so, and everything just bottle up, collate and then one day when i'm unable to face what is before me, i just run away.

Is pressurizing. School work is one think, but what it really is is actually friendship and myself. I use to hate someone, but now i feel neutral. I feel that i'm soon becoming like her, bitchy. I dont want to be like her. And it sucks to see your good friend always run away w/o you. And idk why and what. To her maybe is nothing but to me is something.

Everything just feel so distant suddenly. The gap between me and my friends. A wall is building up. I want to cross over the wall or break it down. Trying. But somehow i realise, my body is slowly, asking me not to do anything. My brain somehow ask to just shut up, bear with it let her do what she wants, its fine. When actually it isn't fine. Thats how it goes, more and more and more and more it just pile up, what i want to say soon turn into silence, i dont even want to comment about anything or to say anything. Somehow i just came to a stage whereby i just avoid things i don't want to see, keep quiet when i don't want to speak or comment or just to make and excuse to cover it out. i just want to be left alone yet i don't want to be alone.

I got so many things to say, so many to voice out. And to cry out those tears i kept them well-hidden behind my mask, deep down my heart. I did try crying it out, yeah i felt better. But it was only a few drops of tears and they stopped. Is like they're telling why am i crying for? I am pitying myself, ha. I'm done with this, do as you wish.

I'm just going to stay silent behind this cheerful mask i put on every morning.